What I have learnt in 50 years of being a daughter and 21 being a Mummy
When I was asked to write something about mothers and daughters for mothers day I was slightly daunted to say the least. It’s not a day I am entirely comfortable with because as a mother I am eternally grateful of having the privilege to be a mummy and my initial head reaction was .. what do I know and what does what I think matter anyway … and then I went to a place where my head was my master not my servant and all my fears about not being a good mother came up and then eventually my heart reminded me that my voice matters and if my story helps just one person then that is a good thing .. and then finally I settled with I scarily have just shy of 50 years experience of being a daughter and 21 of being a mummy and that counts for something.
This article does not really lend itself to my personal story but it does lend itself to me being determined that I wanted to reach my own full potential as far as being a mummy was concerned and whilst I have one daughter and two sons it has been without doubt that my mother daughter relationship that has had the biggest impact on me becoming who I was destined to be and the one I am incredibly grateful for.
My daughter is currently in her third year at university studying English and Film studies and to say I am proud of her is a slight understatement.. whilst she was in many peoples eye’s born with somewhat of a silver spoon in her mouth, she has gone to private school, she did get good grades and she is at what is considered a good university .. her journey to who she is today has not always been smooth and she has had to find the resilience and the drive to keep going and be true to herself and in a world that profits from our fears that is no mean feat and whilst I am the last person to take away any credit to her I am also aware that for her to get there I had to do an awful lot of work on me too.
They say our children are our greatest teachers if we open minded enough to listen and hear and brave enough to do the work that they both mirror back to us and need us to do in order that they may gain the roots and wings they need to be stronger than the generation before. Our children will mirror back both our fears and our dreams .. what we see will be down to us .. what we choose to do is also down to us.
I was born with an unregulated nervous system, I nearly died at birth and went on to have most of the immune conditions that were rare then but are all too common now. It was not until I had my 3rd child and 4th pregnancy that I finally unravelled my onion layers and became who I was destined to be…. In that mix I still had to bring up three children and unpick the belief systems I had passed onto them that were not theirs to own.. I am still work in progress but when I look at my daughter and see who she is becoming I am very confident she is stronger than the generation before her and that in my own lessons on learning to vulnerable enough to know that life works for you not to you when you are willing to be honest with yourself where you are and trusting enough to let go of the how that I have learnt to give my own children strong roots and wings to create the lives they love not ones they fear.. they just need to keep listening and hearing and having me to guide them as and when. What I learnt more than anything is that when we feel loved and accepted just as we are we also find the courage to reach our own full potential in a way that works for us and we do not buy into belief systems that are not ours to own.
My introduction to Functional Medicine began with my then 2 year old daughter who had asthma from 6 months, used nebulisers for 18 months and then was told needed an operation to remove her adenoids and tonsils… as a child who had many operations myself my instinct told me that was the wrong route for her and 18 years later I know why. In that 18 years I have unravelled my own health conditions and no longer have a weak immune system, I am also happy that as a mother I am doing the best I can with what I know now and when I know better I will do the work to do better .. every time.. and that being a parent never stops no matter what age they are .. it just gets different and it’s a privileged I will never tire of nor take for granted. That does not make me perfect but it does make me a imperfectly perfect human who lives shamelessly wholeheartedly and loves her children to the moon and back but will allow them to learn that happiness is not a destination but a way of life and that for them to be happy they have to be willing to fall and to fail but that life rewards the brave and loves the bold and when we trust that little bit more than we fear .. life will meet us half way. It has also given me the benefit of knowing that you cannot change the people around you but you can change the people you choose to be around and when we are true to ourselves those that matter will never mind and those that mind will cease to matter and that whilst blood may be thicker than water .. Family is the people that see and hear you and celebrate not tolerate the truth of who you really are.. something I am forever grateful to know gives us the freedom to know that we can always choose to seek the joy in life not the fear and we can never change the past simply use it to guide us forward and sometimes we just need to feel able to shout ‘plot’ twist and know how to change the sails without leaving trails of destruction in our wake.